Your Heart In My Hands
by theshadownworld
Summary: Alec didn't have many weaknesses, but Isabelle and Magnus were certainly some. When Circle members come looking for Jace and Clary but don't find them at the Institute, they take Alec, Izzy, and Magnus instead, hoping to use Alec's parabatai rune to lure Jace to them, but Alec isn't so ready to let that happen. What will it take to make him change his mind?
1. Chapter 1

The night started slow, and never got the chance to lead anywhere beyond soft kisses and touches. Alec was stressed from the day, which was mainly filled with the task of helping Jace and Clary into hiding. It was decided by others - not Jace or Clary - that that was the best option for them to stay away from Valentine, for the time being. Alec had wanted to accompany his parabatai but it was made clear that _someone_ needed to stay at the New York Institute. Magnus saw it as his duty to help Alec unwind, hence the kissing.

Normally the lovers would make the trip back to Magnus's loft to sleep in his silky sheets, but in this case they were so eager to get at each other that their location didn't matter. Magnus fell onto the bed with Alec climbing on top of him.

Magnus was a good distraction, and Alec could barely breathe in between kisses, but it was a good loss of breath, not the nervous, unbearable kind he had on his wedding day.

Alec quickly removed Magnus's shirt, and the other man returned the favor, not letting their lips break contact for longer than necessary. Magnus's hands trailed down Alec's body until they reached his belt, which he hastily undid and discarded onto the bedroom floor. Next to go were Alec's pants, which only made it halfway down his legs before Magnus was palming at his swelling cock through his underwear.

Alec's hands never left Magnus's face as he held him still, kissing and kissing. He knew he would never get tired of kissing this man beneath him, and he never wanted stop.

"Mmm," Magnus moaned. "Fuck me, Alexander."

Alec couldn't move fast enough. He instantly reached for his lover's pants, pulling them off and throwing them across the room. He was just about to remove his underwear before his phone vibrated on the nightstand next to them. He was going to ignore it (it was, after all, almost two in the morning) but then it went off again and he decided it might be important.

"Sorry," he said to Magnus, who groaned in annoyance.

Alec picked up the phone and saw two texts, both from Izzy.

 _Emergency,_ one said.

 _Meet me downstairs,_ said the other.

"I gotta go," Alec said.

" _Really?_ At this time?"

"It's Izzy. She said it's important. I'll be back before you know it." He leaned down to kiss Magnus on the forehead. "I promise. Just wait for me."

Alec promptly pulled up his pants and threw on his shirt before rushing from the room. He wondered what kind of emergency Izzy could be having at this hour, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried.

The halls of the Institute weren't completely quiet. Even at that hour, there were always a few Shadowhunters milling about. If Alec had stopped for a moment instead of only thinking of his sister, he would have realized he didn't recognize the faces that passed him.

When Alec got to the main room, he spotted Izzy immediately, but couldn't see what was wrong.

She turned to him as he entered. "Thank the Angel, Alec. Where are Jace and Clary? I've been texting them all day."

He knew something wasn't right immediately. Isabelle knew where Jace and Clary were, she had helped them move into hiding.

"What are you talking about?" he said.

"Are they not here?'

"Izzy, you were there. You know what happened…."

Her eyes suddenly flashed from brown to green. If Alec hadn't been watching her closely, he would have missed it.

Alec pulled his blade and brought it to her throat.

"Where's my sister?"

* * *

The bedroom door opened and Magnus was pleased to see his Alexander enter the room again. He had been sitting on the bed, in nothing but his boxers, waiting for him to return patiently.

"That was fast," he commented. "What did Izzy need?"

"It doesn't matter. It was nothing, just Izzy being dramatic."

With a curious look, as if assessing the situation of Magnus in front of him, Alec moved closer to the bed with lust in his eyes. "Where were we?"

He climbed into bed, again on top of Magnus and kissed him. It was different, Magnus noticed. Harsh. The other man bit down on his bottom lip, causing it to bleed. Alexander had never done that before. He held him tightly to the point of his grip being painful.

Magnus pushed him away. "Alexander, you're hurting me."

But Alec didn't seem to care, and that's when Magnus knew something was wrong.

He was about to ask about it, but just before he could Alec slapped something on his right wrist. Magnus knew what it was right away, and he could already feel his magic leaving him. It was a suppressant.

Suddenly "Alec" wasn't Alec anymore, but shifted into a tall man - taller than the real Alec, even, by a few good inches - with light brown hair and empty gray eyes.

Magnus tried to summon magic to throw the man off, but he couldn't reach it and the man stayed on top of him, hands brutally tight on Magnus's arms.

"Who are you?" he asked as he tossed and turned.

The man smiled down at him, clearly enjoying himself. "Name's Patrick. Now what is a pretty thing like you doing in _Alec Lightwood's_ bedroom? Undressed, at that?"

Magnus didn't answer. If this Shadowhunter (for it was clear he was one because of his runes) didn't know about him and Alec, he certainly wasn't from New York. He could be working for Valentine, he realized. But how did he get into the Institute? Magnus put up the wards himself; he shouldn't be here.

Magnus was drawn out of his thoughts by a slap meeting his face. " _Answer me._ "

"I'm his boyfriend," he spat.

Patrick's face lit up. "Then you could be very useful, indeed."

* * *

"Where's my sister?" Alec repeated when he got no answer.

The woman before him sighed and suddenly she was no longer Isabelle, but a petite girl with flowing red hair not unlike Clary's. She laughed at Alec's expression.

"Fooled you for a little while there, didn't I?"

"Who are you?" Alec's blade dug into her throat enough to draw blood. "What have you done to Izzy?"

The girl put her fingers to her mouth and whistled. Two men appeared behind her, Izzy trapped in between them.

"She's fine, see? But she won't be, not unless you tell us where Jace and Clary are. We searched the whole Institute, we know they're not here."

Alec watched as one of the men holding Izzy brought a knife to her throat. "Drop your weapon," he said to Alec.

His blade fell to the floor.

"So where are they?" the girl asked sweetly.

"Somewhere you'll never be able to go. They went into hiding, just earlier today. You're too late."

The girl clicked her tongue. "What a shame." She reached out to Alec and lifted up his shirt, bringing her hand to a rune by his hip. "I guess it's a good thing we have Jace's parabatai, isn't it?"

Alec tensed up. "I will never let you use our bond to find him, or bring him here, so forget it."

"Really? Not even to save your sister's life?"

Alec couldn't respond, but he didn't have to because just then they were joined by a _really_ tall guy who dragged another man into the room behind him.

 _Magnus._

"Found this in little Alexander's bedroom," the man smiled. "It's a Warlock, see his pretty cat's eyes? I've already cuffed him, don't worry. Says he's Lightwood's boyfriend, too. Thought he might be useful, no?"

The girl returned his grin. "And look at the state of him! We didn't interrupt anything, did we, boys?" She laughed.

"What's so special about this one, Lightwood? It's just a _Downworlder._ " The tall man brought a hand to Magnus's face and rubbed his cheekbone gently with his thumb. Alec lashed out at the sight.

He stepped up to the man and harshly pushed his hand away from his lover. " _Don't touch him,_ " he hissed.

The tall man smirked at him. "You wanna go, Lightwood? I bet my soul I'm stronger than you. Right, Ella?"

"Absolutely, Patrick."

Patrick didn't wait for an answer, instead he punched Alec hard across the jaw when he wasn't ready, sending him to the ground. Alec knew he shouldn't be picking a fight with this dude, who was clearly bigger and, ok, _possibly_ stronger. That didn't stop him from wanting to kill the man, especially because of what he did next.

He grabbed Magnus's face with both hands and kissed him hard on the mouth. Magnus didn't return the kiss, but he did do something else.

Patrick pushed him away and slapped him across the face. There was blood on Patrick's lips and Alec knew Magnus had bitten him.

"You bitch!" He hit him again, and this time he fell to the floor next to Alec, who pulled Magnus closer to him, wanting to protect him from this horrible man.

"We should get going," Ella said. "He'll be waiting."

"Right," said Patrick, rubbing blood off his lip with his thumb. "We'll take them all, see what he want's to do with them."

Ella whistled again, and a small man appeared before them. He had clearly been tortured, not a spot on him that wasn't stained with blood, and he walked slowly, as if every movement hurt. Alec couldn't help but feel sorry for him, even though he was apparently working with the enemy.

"A Warlock," Magnus whispered to him.

"Open the portal," Patrick said.

The weakened Warlock did as commanded, creating a dim portal with a wave of his hands.

Alec hoped they would get to go through the portal conscious, so they could see where they were before they were subdued, but no. Before he know it, Izzy was on the floor, having just had a syringe emptied into her neck. Next to go was Magnus, then finally Alec.

The last thing he heard before everything went black was Patrick saying, "This is going to be so much fun."


	2. Chapter 2

Alec was the first to wake, and found himself in a very straining position, hanging from the ceiling by chains with cuffs digging into his wrists, his body weighing down on the restraints heavily. His neck hurt from his head lolling to the side while he was unconscious. He also noticed how cold the room was, shivering.

He let out a low groan, and immediately someone was slapping him awake.

"Come on, Lightwood, time to wake up." He didn't recognize the voice, but he could guess who it was.

He opened his eyes and took the weight off his wrists by standing on his feet, helping with the pain in his shoulders as well.

"Valentine," he said. It wasn't a question.

The man smiled and grabbed Alec's neck, squeezing, but not hard enough to take away his breath.

"If you tell me where Jace and Clary are right now, I'll let all three of you go."

Alec barely hesitated before spitting in Valentine's face. Valentine wasn't amused.

"I'm not going to help you get to Jace. Or Clary."

Valentine wiped the spit off his face with a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket. "Really?" he said. "Not even to save your sister? Or this... _Downworlder?"_

Alec looked beyond the evil man, seeing his sister and Magnus behind him. Isabelle was hanging from the ceiling much like Alec, but Magnus was still undressed, laying on the floor, chained to it with a collar around his neck, as if he were a dog. The sight made Alec angry.

"Hmm?" Valentine said. "Maybe we should wake them up, too?"

"Leave. Them. Alone."

Valentine laughed. "My boy, that's the last thing I'm going to do. Or, at least, to one of them."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you get to pick one. One can go home, the other stays. It's really a question of who means more to you."

No. No, he couldn't choose. How was he supposed to make such a decision?

His thoughts must have shown on his face because Valentine laughed again. "Let's wake them up. Patrick!"

The tall man from back at the Institute stalked into the room with a bucket of water and a smile. He tossed the contents of the bucket right on Magnus, who jolted awake with a gasp. Alec could tell the water was cold because Magnus shivered violently in the already freezing room.

"Nice of you to join us, Warlock," Valentine snarled. He made his way across the room to Isabelle and shook her awake as well. She groaned as she woke, just as Alec had as she stood up.

"Where are we?" Isabelle demanded, eyeing Valentine with a hard stare. Clearly she knew who he was.

"Your new home," he replied. "Well, it could be your new home. It depends on who little Alexander chooses to stay."

"Alec, what is he talking about?"

Alec swallowed before answering. "He wants me to choose one of you to stay. The other can go home."

Isabelle and Magnus both looked defeated.

"Of course, if you don't pick one, they both will stay and go under extreme amounts of pain and torture. Unless, of course, you tell us where Jace and Clary are. Then no one has to get hurt."

"Alec, you can't let them find Jace or Clary. You have to pick me to stay," Izzy said. "I'm a Shadowhunter, I can endure pain. Magnus doesn't have his magic, he won't be able to take it like I can. Are you listening, Alec? _You have to pick me."_

But Alec wasn't looking at his sister. He already knew what his answer had to be, he only hoped they would be able to forgive him for his choices. Magnus would understand. He had to protect Isabelle. She was his baby sister.

He looked at Magnus. Magnus nodded his head, giving Alec the ok to do what he had to.

"Let Izzy go."

" _No!_ Alec, no! You don't have to do this! I can take it, I can take it!"

Valentine pulled a syringe from his pocket and drove it in Isabelle's neck. She passed out for the second time that day.

Izzy was unchained by Patrick and carried from the room as if she weighed nothing. She would be sent back to the Institute, Alec thought, though he wondered how safe it was there. After all, Circle members were able to enter, and the wards were apparently down. Who knew what was going on there right then?

Alec was pulled from his thoughts when Valentine stepped in front of him again. "I'll ask you one more time, Lightwood. Where are Jace and Clary? Think about it. They are the only ones who can come rescue you. Isabelle won't be able to find her way back, but Jace can track you and get to you."

"Only if I let him."

"You will let him. Eventually. Unless, of course, this Downworlder means nothing to you. Which I doubt, as you are sleeping together."

Valentine turned to Magnus and grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled.

"Tell me, Lightwood. What does he mean to you? It's okay, I won't judge, I'm just curious."

Alec gave him a cold stare but stayed silent.

"Answer me!"

"Nothing. He means nothing to me. Why do you think I chose Izzy?"

Valentine let out his loudest laugh yet. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

No, he didn't.

"You know, I don't like getting my hands dirty. I think I'll have Patrick come in here to play for a while. How does that sound? I know how much you like Patrick." Just before he left the room, he said, "Remember, you can stop this at any time. All you have to do is tell me what I want to know."

He was gone.

` Alec noticed Magnus shivering again.

"I'm so sorry, Magnus."

"I understand. You have to protect Izzy."

"I won't let them hurt you."

Magnus chuckled, humorlessly. "The only way you can protect me is by giving up Jace and Clary. They're going to hurt me to hurt you to hurt Jace and you can't really stop that. So don't make promises you can't keep, Alexander."

Alec didn't know what to say. Before he could think of something, the door opened and Patrick stepped into the room. He was holding a sharp whip. Alec felt his stomach drop.

"Boys," Patrick greeted. "Let's play, shall we?"

The man walked up to Alec and ripped his shirt open with his bare hands, then without further warning, pulled back the whip and brought it forward again, lashing it across Alec's chest.

Alec screamed, blood dripping down his chest from the new wound. He vaguely heard Magnus calling out but couldn't decipher what he was saying.

Patrick grabbed Alec by the neck and whispered into his ear.

"That's what's going to happen to your boyfriend, over and over. Still don't want to talk?"

Alec glared.

"Okay. Your choice."

He stepped away and went to Magnus, whip ready.

Before he did anything, Patrick turned back to Alec.

"Actually," he said. "Let's have some fun. I'm going to whip your boy toy ten times, Lightwood. Unless you yourself whip him five. Choose."

It wasn't a hard choice, really. Alec would save Magnus as much pain as he could. If that meant inflicting the pain himself, so be it.

"Unchain me and I'll do it."

"If you try anything, I swear I'll rape him in front of you. Got it?"

That made Alec pause. Of course he planned on trying something. Anything to get out of there, but if they got caught….

"I won't do anything."

Patrick lazily uncuffed him and put the keys back in his pocket. Alec rubbed his wrists where they had started to bleed. Patrick handed him the whip and watched Alec closely as he turned to Magnus.

Alec wiped his smile right off his face when he brought the whip down on Patrick himself. The speed and strength of it ripped right through Patrick's shirt, and he yelled out in pain. Alec whipped him again. Again. Again. Again.

Finally Patrick was brought to his knees and Alec kicked his head, bringing the man down to the floor in unconsciousness.

"Get the keys," Magnus said, nodding to Patrick.

Alec quickly patted down the man for the keys, finding them in his left pocket. His hands shook as he opened Magnus's cuffs. He couldn't find the right key to undo the collar, which was now suppressing his magic, so he left it there for now. All that mattered was getting out of there.

"Come on," he grabbed Magnus by the arm, supporting him as he stood on shaky legs.

They went to the window, not wanting to go to the door where Valentine could be, and looked out. They were on the ground floor of the house. Good.

Alec opened the window, and climbed out, helping Magnus through after him.

Then they ran. There were no other houses for miles, but they eventually came to a small town, if one could call it that. There were only a few buildings. The two men stumbled into the closest one and called for help.

"Help him," Magnus said. "Help him, he's bleeding."

Everyone moved at once, coming to Alec's aid one small woman brought him to the back room where she had a first aid kit. She laid him down on a cot and hovered over him, cleaning his wound. She was just finishing wrapping it up when she asked, "What happened?"

""It's a long story," Alec said.

There were loud sounds from outside the door. Alec didn't like it.

The door to the back room burst open. Patrick stood there. Before Alec could even process this, he brought out a seraph blade and slashed it across the nice woman's neck, killing her instantly.

Patrick, bleeding in his ripped open shirt, grabbed Magnus, who was closer to him than Alec. The bloody blade was held up to his throat.

"So you weren't going to try anything, huh?" Patrick was beyond angry, his face turning red.

"Come on now," he said, motioning to the door. Alec got up and left the room, having no other choice but to do so.

There was a massacre in the front room. Not one person was left alive. Alec couldn't help but feel responsible. If they had never came, none of this would have happened.

There was a car waiting outside with the girl, Ella, in the driver's seat. Patrick's blade never left Magnus's throat as they piled into the car.

Within minutes, they were back where they started at the old house. Alec was put back in his cuffs, as was Magnus. They were left alone for only minutes before Patrick came back wearing a new shirt, no longer covered in blood.

He picked up the whip where it had been discarded on the ground.

"Now, where were we? Oh, yes." He lashed out at Magnus in the whip's first sweep. Magnus cried. Another. Another. Another. Tears were freely falling down Magnus's face as he sobbed in pain. He called out to Alec in agony multiple times, and Alec's heart broke. He couldn't do anything, except… but that wasn't an option.

Patrick lashed him twelve times. More than he originally planned to. It was all Alec's fault that Magnus was in this amount of pain. If he hadn't tried to get away….

Alec didn't realize he'd been crying until Patrick was licking his tears off his face, finished with Magnus for the time being.

"Do you remember what I said would happen if you tried to get away, Lightwood?"

He did.

"Let me help him," Alec begged.

"No."

Patrick went back to Magnus and knelt next to his so they were at eye level. He grabbed Magnus by the hair and pressed their lips together, not before warning Magnus that if he bit him, he would cut off his tongue.

Magnus was frozen in place.

"Kiss me back," Patrick demanded, pushing at the wounds on his back to cause him more pain. Hesitantly, Magnus did as he was told. Alec saw red.

When Patrick was done with Magnus, he looked to Alec.

"You know what's next."

Alec's heart stopped.


	3. Chapter 3

Isabelle opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light. She was laying on a comfortable bed with her head resting on a soft pillow. It was pounding.

She sat upright too quickly and was rewarded with dizziness and an even worse headache.

"Best to lay down, Miss Lightwood."

It was a kind nurse who spoke to her. She was in the medical room, she realized. Back at the Institute.

"No," she said. "No, where's Alec?" Her brother was all she could think about. Her brother, and Magnus, who was probably being tortured right now.

She made to get out of the bed but the nurse held her down. "Isabelle, you are in no shape to be walking around. You've suffered a head injury and you were drugged quite heavily."

"It isn't safe here," was her response. "The wards, they're down. There were Circle members here, just last night!"

The nurse looked confused. "The wards are secure, I assure you. There were no Circle members here last night. It's the drugs, Isabelle. Let them wear off and you'll be able to think clearly."

"No, won't you listen to me? There were Circle members here, and they took me and Alec and Magnus! We have to help them, save them!"

"That's enough, Isabelle."

She looked towards the door and saw her mother standing there. She didn't look very happy.

"You are dismissed," she said to the nurse.

"Mom, we have to help Alec! Valentine, he's trying to use his bond with Jace to-"

"Stop. Just stop. Nothing you are saying makes sense. The wards are up, the cameras show no evidence of Circle members ever being here, or even of you leaving your room."

"If there's no evidence of me leaving my room, how did I end up here?"

Her mother sighed. "We found you unconscious outside on the doorstep."

"So you'd rather believe I magically ended up outside the Institute than believe me when I say I was kidnapped by Circle members?"

"Isabelle, you're confused. You were drugged-"

"By Valentine!"

"-by a Shadowhunter, who already confessed to his crime. He also admitted to toying with the cameras to cover it up."

"Who? Who do you think did this?"

"It doesn't matter, he has already been dealt with."

"So you'll believe that, but you won't believe your own daughter?"

"I believe the evidence."

"Then where's Alec?"

Maryse sighed. "He's with Magnus Bane, I received a message from him just this morning saying so."

"That's impossible, he was there with me, with Valentine. It's fake, Mom, it isn't real! Both Alec and Magnus need our help…. And if you won't help them, I will."

She rose from the bed on shaky legs and walked to the door, her mother on her heels.

"What are you doing, Isabelle?"

"I'm going to Jace. I'll send him a fire message. He's the only one who can track Alec with their bond. I know we can't give Jace or Clary to Valentine, but that doesn't mean they can't help us find them."

"No, we cannot pull Jace and Clary out of hiding."

"Why not? We can use their help while keeping them from Valentine, then put them right back when we're done."

"You don't understand," said Maryse, as the two of them entered the operating room. "Why do you think we put them in hiding in the first place? If Jace and Clary are given the opportunity to side with Valentine, the Clave believes they will take it. And if they don't, Valentine will have them killed…. And if they do side with him, I swear I'll kill both of them myself."

Izzy balked at her mother. She couldn't believe what she was saying.

"I forbid you from contacting Jace. Or Clary. You're being stupid, and selfish, Isabelle. Bringing them back here will only put them in danger."

"Danger from you!"

Maryse looked around at all the faces turned to them. "Isabelle, you're making a scene." she all but whispered.

"Good!" she yelled, making her way across the area towards Alec's room, intent on getting an object that belongs to him, for tracking. If she couldn't go to Jace and her mother wouldn't help, she'd just have to go to someone who will.

* * *

They were in Paris for the night, but they both knew they would have to get moving by the morning. Being in hiding was harder than either of them ever thought it would be, constantly moving, never staying in one place for too long. Clary kinda liked it, to be honest. She never thought she would be able to travel this much in her life, and even if they were busy running for their lives, she couldn't help but enjoy the view every once in awhile. She wished she had some paper and a pencil with her.

The night was warm, and they sat on a rooftop overlooking a view of the Eiffel Tower. Jace didn't seem fazed, didn't seem to care, but Clary was in heaven as she looked out over the lights.

Jace winced next to her. She turned to him, smile fading from her face.

"What's wrong?"

Jace held a hand to his chest. "I don't know, I feel… pain." He lifted up his shirt as if expecting to see a wound there.

"Is it internal?"

"No, it's like… a ghost."

"Could it be-"

"Alec. Something's wrong."

"You can feel his pain?"

"Yes, but it's more than that. It's agony. Not physical, but emotional. Something bad is happening. Really bad. Clary, it could be Izzy, or Max. Nothing else would make him feel this amount of emotional torment."

Clary moved her body so she was sitting across from Jace rather than next to him. "What can we do? We can't go back, Jace."

"Don't you think I know that?" he said sharply.

"Sorry," she whispered, looking down. Jace regretted snapping at her.

"It's okay," he said. "I need to contact him, or Izzy, or anyone. I have to make sure he's okay."

"We can send a fire message, ask Izzy what's wrong."

"Someone could track a fire message, Clary. We might as well come out of hiding."

"Then what? What can we do?"

"I can track him. If he's at the Institute, I won't worry. He probably just had an… accident, I don't know. If he's somewhere else… I just don't know."

"Okay, go for it."

Jace closed his eyes, slowed his breathing, and sat silently for a few minutes. Clary sat and watched him patiently. Eventually, he let out a frustrated sigh and his body became tense again.

"He's not letting me in. It's like he doesn't want me to know where he is. Why would he do that?"

"You know him better than I do."

"If it gets… if it gets any worse, Clary, we have to go back, Valentine be damned."

Clary wasn't sure that was the best idea, but who was she to get between Jace and his parabatai?

"Agreed."


	4. Chapter 4

Hey all! Thank you guys so much for the reviews and follows, I'm glad people are liking this story!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to apologize in advance, but I hope you still enjoy the chapter.

 **Warning for rape this chapter,** if you don't like it or think you will be triggered by it, please do not read it!

* * *

Patrick unbuttoned his pants and pulled his zipper down. He had been facing Alec with an evil look in his eyes but soon directed that look to Magnus, who was on the floor, sobbing in pain, too out of it to even process what was going on above him.

Patrick was already hard when he pulled himself out. He grabbed Magnus by the hair and was clearly intent on bringing his groin to his face, but Alec couldn't do nothing anymore.

"Stop!" he begged. "Please, just stop."

Patrick turned back to him, throwing Magnus back to the ground, perhaps looking a bit disappointed. "So you'll talk now?"

"To Valentine. Not you."

"I'm offended, Alec. Do you not like me?" he chuckled. He sighed, put himself away, and excused himself from the room in search of Valentine.

"Magnus," Alec said. "Magnus, can you hear me?"

"...Alec…."

"I'm here."

"Help me."

Alec felt a lump in his throat and fought the urge to cry.

"I'm going to help you. I promise you, I'll do everything I can. You're not going to die here, Magnus."

"It hurts," Magnus whispered.

"I know. I know it does, but we'll fix you up. You'll be able to use your magic soon and then you won't feel a thing."

Alec couldn't help but feel he was lying.

The door opened with a loud creak and Patrick and Valentine entered the room. He stepped so intimidatingly close to Alec that he could feel his body heat.

"Ready to talk?"

"Yes."

"So where are they? Where are Jace and Clary?"

"I need to know… I need to know what you want with them."

"You need to ask?"

"Just tell me."

"I want to recruit them, of course."

"But you know that will never happen."

"Are you so sure? Jace seemed quite willing the last time I saw him. And Clarissa, well, she is my daughter. I'm sure I can convince both of them to join me."

"You're delusional. And you clearly don't know them as well as you think you do."

Valentine shifted his feet and crossed his arms. "Why are you so worried about them?" he asked. "Shouldn't you be worried about your precious Downworlder? I don't like the looks of those wounds. They could get infected."

Alec closed his eyes to think.

"If they come here to help us, and they refuse you… then what?"

"Then you all die."

Alec knew that would be the answer.

"But don't worry, Alexander! All you have to do is convince Jace and Clary to side with me, then you will be free to go."

Alec wasn't buying it.

"You know as well as I do that the second they say yes and Magnus and I are set free, they will turn on you and abandon you again."

"Well I guess you better make sure that doesn't happen because if it does, I will hunt you down and slit your Warlock's throat myself."

Alec could feel his breathing become heavy as the realization hit him. "They won't say yes. I can't bring them here just for you to kill them."

Valentine snapped his fingers. "Then I believe I have other things to be doing. Patrick, as you were."

Patrick stepped forward with that hungry look in his eyes that Alec didn't like.

"Wait!" Alec called to Valentine. "Please, hurt me instead. Just leave Magnus out of this."

Valentine made a clicking sound with his tongue. "Ah, but this is so much more fun. And honestly, this is worse for you, isn't it?"

With that, he disappeared, leaving only Patrick and his cruelty behind.

* * *

Magnus's jaw started to ache after only minutes of Patrick's violation. In, out. In, out. Patrick had threatened to cut off Alec's dick if Magnus bit his, so he didn't dare, no matter how much he wanted to.

Magnus's back was burning with pain, so bad that he could barely care what the man before him was doing. He knew, of course, but the injuries on his back were so horrible that he could barely comprehend how vile it was.

When Patrick pulled out at last, Magnus spit on the ground, wanting to get the taste of him out of his mouth. Patrick laughed at him and slapped him across the face, calling him a slut.

Magnus felt as if the room got colder when Patrick reached for his underwear and pulled them down. Magnus tried kicking at him when he knew what was going to happen, but Patrick grabbed his leg before his foot could connect to his face.

"If you try that again, Warlock, I'll break your leg. It would be easy, so don't test me. Come on. Take it like a man."

"If I had my magic," Magnus said, putting all of his strength into the words, "you would be dead."

"Well, luck me, you're all but useless."

Magnus spat in his face, taking after Alec. Patrick moved his position to better grab Magnus's neck, squeezing as hard as he could.

"I'm going to fuck you until you bleed. I'm going to rip you apart."

Just as his face was turning blue, he let Magnus go.

"Get on your knees and face away from me."

Magnus didn't move an inch.

"Do as I say or I'll bring out the whip again."

Magnus was frozen in fear. Which was worse? The whip, he thought, and he was about to move but Patrick made the decision even easier as he said, "And this time I'll use it on Alec."

He couldn't move faster after that.

When he and Alec had done this, it was amazing. It wasn't just fucking, it was love. And it felt good. Really good.

This was completely different.

Patrick used only Magnus's own saliva as lubricant, but just as he promised, he started to bleed as Patrick had not prepped him, and that made the moving easier. But it hurt. It really fucking hurt. He was ripped open and had blood dripping down his legs, pain shooting up his spine.

The pain was almost as bad as the whipping, but the humiliation was so much worse.

"Open your eyes, Lightwood," Patrick said. "Don't you want to see this?"

Magnus couldn't bear that Alec was watching this. What was he thinking? What if he was so disgusted that he didn't want to touch or even be with Magnus anymore?

He spared a glance at his boyfriend and saw the tears running down his face. He was saying something to him, but Magnus couldn't hear him over the pounding in his ears.

As Patrick was thrusting in and out of him, he leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "He chose this for you. He could have given up his friends but no. He chose his parabatai over you. How does that feel? Do you think he even loves you?"

Patrick finally finished with a dramatic groan and stood up, putting himself away again. He delivered a kick to Magnus's side and watched him collapse to the floor. He couldn't seem to stop crying.

Magnus barely registered that Patrick was now taunting Alec, smiling and telling him how lucky he was to have such a good fuck as a boyfriend.

"Let me go to him," Alec demanded.

"Is that really a way to ask?"

"Please. Let me go to him."

"That's better, but no. Maybe if you hadn't pulled that stunt with the whip, I would have let you but now you're out of luck. Sorry."

Alec hung his head, tears falling freely, a reflection of Magnus.

"I'll be back later for more fun. I'll let you wonder what I mean by that. You two should rest anyway. Alec, think about this: how much longer are you going to let your Downworlder suffer? Isn't it time to give up? I have more planned for him if you keep refusing to cooperate."

"You know why I can't."

"Excuses, excuses. Really, when it comes down to it, it only matters who means more to you. Goodbye, boys."

With that, he was gone.

"Magnus-"

"Don't."

"But-"

"I said DON'T. Leave me alone, Alec."

Even though Alec was right there, Magnus felt completely alone.


	5. Chapter 5

I know I just posted chapter 4 like yesterday but due to popular demand, I spent the day making this! Please enjoy!

* * *

Jace could feel Alec's resolve crumbling. He could feel his pain, though it wasn't so much physical as it was emotional, and it was getting stronger. Something was happening to Izzy or Max, that was the only explanation. They had to get back to the Institute, fast.

"Jace, you're crying."

He wiped his face at Clary's words. "He still won't let me track him," he said. "But I can feel it getting worse. We have to go back, Clary."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Don't you understand? He's my parabatai and something's wrong. I should be there for him."

"But Jace, think about this. There's a reason he won't let you track him. If he did, he could be leading us into a trap."

"It doesn't matter. Look, you can come or stay, I really don't care. But I need to go. If you would be so kind, I need a portal back to the Institute."

Clary looked hesitant but nodded anyway, bringing her stele up to create the portal. Jace was about to go through before turning back to her.

"Are you coming?"

She answered by stepping through the portal with him.

* * *

Izzy found Magnus's phone in Alec's room when she went in search of something that belonged to her brother. Luckily, he didn't keep it locked, to Izzy's surprise.

After she got the item belonging to Alec (his toothbrush), she left the building, not wanting to be there around her mother. She scrolled through Magnus's contacts until she found what she was looking for. She dialed the number.

She picked up on the third ring.

"Magnus, you'd better be calling about that two hundred you owe me."

"Catarina? Catarina Loss?"

There was silence. "Who is this?"

"My name is Isabelle Lightwood. I'm a friend of Magnus."

"Ah, Lightwood. You wouldn't happen to be his boyfriend's sister, would you?"

"That's me."

"Why are you calling me? And from Magnus's phone? Don't you have your own?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, but this is an emergency. Alec and Magnus have been taken by Valentine. I have reason to believe that your friend is being tortured as we speak."

Catarina let out a long breath and was silent.

"Are you there, Catarina?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm here. I'm sorry, it's just… Magnus..."

"I know. But you can help me find and save them."

"I'll do anything."

"I need you to help me track Alec. If we find him, we find Magnus. Warlock tracking is the strongest, right?"

"Yes. I will help you. Where are you? I'll come to you and portal us to mine."

"I'm just outside the Institute."

Within seconds, there was a glowing portal spiraling in front of Isabelle, and Catarina stepped through.

"Come with me," she said and held out a hand. Isabelle took it and stepped through to Catarina's lovely apartment. It was clean and organized and smelled like a mixture of cinnamon and vanilla.

"How do you know it was Valentine who took them?" Catarina asked.

"Because he took me too… but then he let me go."

"Why would he do that?"

"He made Alec choose between me and Magnus. I'm sorry, Catarina. I tried to get him to let Magnus go, but he didn't listen to me. If I had tried harder, maybe Magnus wouldn't be in this situation."

Catarina grabbed her shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. "Then you would be suffering in his place. Do not apologize for your brother's decision. You are the most important to him. He was right to pick you to go free."

Izzy showed a small smile at Catarina's gesture to make her feel better. "Let's just bring them home," she said.

"Right. I will need something of Alec's."

"Here," she pulled out the toothbrush and handed it to the Warlock.

"Perfect." Catarina grasped it and closed her eyes, trying to focus. Isabelle was becoming impatient when she finally took in a breath and opened her eyes.

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I know where they are. The bad news it, I cannot portal you to the exact location because I have never been there. But I can get you close."

"Where are they?"

"In a run down house just outside Denver."

"You can portal me to Denver, then?"

"Yes."

"Great, let's go."  
"Isabelle Lightwood, I am not about to portal us into Valentine's hands without backup. Let us go back to the Institute to get help."

"No. My mother made it perfectly clear that she want's nothing to do with this. She doesn't even believe me."

"Then we'll get help from others. Your brother needs you, Isabelle. Help him."

She couldn't argue with that.

"Okay. Let's go save our friends."

* * *

"Magnus, please, talk to me. I'm here for you, you don't have to suffer alone."

But Magnus wasn't listening. He just sat there, naked, on the ground, hunched over in defeat. Alec could only imagine what kind of pain he was in.

It was a good two hours before Patrick came back. Alec's arms were killing him from being held above his head for so long and he was becoming very tired. He wondered how long they had been trapped there. It felt like forever.

Patrick waltzed into the room carrying a bucket that seemed to be full of water. Alec was about to ask what it was before Patrick lifted it over Magnus's still form (he didn't seem to even realize the man had entered the room) and poured it over him.

Magnus arched back and screamed as the water hit the lashes on his back.

Alec pulled at his chains. His wrists had started bleeding long ago from doing so.

"What was that?" he demanded. "What did you do to him?"  
"Salt water," Patrick smiled.

"I'm going to kill you," Alec growled. Patrick didn't seem to realize it was a promise.

Patrick laughed as he walked closer to Alec. "Are you? How do you plan on doing that?"

Patrick was close enough, so Alec went for it. His legs weren't chained or bound to anything, which was a mistake because Alec took it as a opportunity to kick Patrick right between the legs.

Patrick nearly fell to his knees but managed to stay upright as he groaned in pain. Good. He deserved that and more. And Alec couldn't wait for the day he got to deliver.

Alec was surprised when Patrick chuckled. "You know," he said, "I was going to give you another chance to talk, but now I'm just gonna move on to the fin part. But first…"

Patrick punched him once. Twice. Three times. Four. Alec felt the blood drip from his nose and knew he would have a black eye but he was still happy he got that kick in and that at least Patrick was focused on him rather than Magnus for once.

But that didn't last very long, because Patrick went right up to Magnus when he was done with Alec and forced him onto his back, wounds meeting the cold floor, and Magnus whimpered in pain. He straddled Magnus's hips and kept him steady.

Patrick pulled out a box cutter and brought it to Magnus's chest.

All Alec knew was that Patrick was about to hurt his boyfriend again, and he didn't think he or Magnus could take any more of that.

It was time. They both had enough.

"Stop!" Alec shouted. "I'll tell you everything, I'll let Jace track me, just stop hurting him!"

Magnus caught Alec's eye and he saw the relief there. Alec knew he was doing the right thing. If Jace and Clary came, they would have to handle Valentine themselves. Alec couldn't do this to Magnus anymore.

"Ah," Patrick said. "Good. But, you'll have to forgive me for this. You did kick me, after all. Ask yourself, was it worth it?"

Patrick turned back to Magnus and dragged the cutter across his chest, writing something Alec couldn't make out.

"No!" he called. "I said I would help you, stop hurting him!"

"You were a little too late, Lightwood."

Magnus tried to thrash and throw Patrick off of him, but Patrick was much bigger and Magnus was in his weakened state.

He carved letter after letter until he was finally satisfied enough that he stood up to admire his work Alec could see what was written now.

PROPERTY OF V.M.

The letters oozed blood, and Alec knew it would scar. He supposed that was the point, that it was meant for them to remember this. Magnus just laid on the ground, exhausted and in so much pain. He did this to him. Alec did this to him, and he knew he would never forgive himself.

Alec opened up. He let everything he was feeling out, channeling it with the bond he had with Jace, sending every emotion he felt, the heartache, the pain, the guilt. He sent it all, and knew that Jace would come.

* * *

Maryse jumped when the portal opened up in front of her and Jace and Clary stepped through. Her first reaction was to be angry.

"What are you doing here? You two should be in hiding. Under the order of the Clave-"

"I don't care about the Clave," said Jace. "Where is Alec? And Izzy and Max?'

Maryse sighed. "Alec is with Magnus. Max is in his room, and Izzy left the Institute not long ago."

Jace was confused. If everyone was safe, why was he feeling the way he did?

"Izzy and Max are fine?"  
"Of course. Why wouldn't they be?"

"Maryse," Clary stepped in, "Jace's parabatai bond with Alec is telling us something is wrong with him. Do you know exactly where Alec is?"

Maryse looked between the two of them as though she still didn't understand why they were there. "Last I heard from Alec, he said he was at Magnus's place. He sent me the message himself. I don't see why you are so worried."

"Something's wrong," Jace said. "I can feel-" but he didn't get to finish that thought as he let out a loud groan and sank to the floor in pain. Not his pain, but Alec's.

"Jace," Clary was saying. "Jace, what's wrong?" Even Maryse was looking concerned.

"I can feel him. His anguish, his hurt. If Izzy and Max are okay…."

"There's something wrong with Magnus."

They all looked up at who spoke. It was Izzy, standing in the doorway with Catarina Loss.

It wasn't Izzy or Max, and Jace felt so stupid. Of course it was Magnus, how could he forget how important the Warlock was to his parabatai?

"I told you, mother. I wasn't lying. The three of us were taken by Circle members. Alec and Magnus are both suffering while we sit here and do nothing."

"So let's do something!" Clary said. "Izzy, you were there?"

She nodded.

"Can you help us find our way back to them?"

"I'm already ahead of you. Meet Catarina Loss, Warlock and Magnus's friend. She tracked Alec to just outside of Denver."

"She's right," Jace said. "It's so clear to me now. I can feel Alec, he wants us to know where they are. Alec isn't in much physical pain, but Magnus… we better get there before it's too late."


	6. Chapter 6

Patrick walked up to Alec with that annoying smirk on his face and brought the blade he just used on Magnus to Alec's lips. He grabbed Alec's jaw and forced his mouth open, wiping the blood all over his tongue.

"How does it taste?" Patrick taunted. Alec wanted to vomit.

"They're coming for us," he said. "I let Jace track me. He knows where we are and he's coming."

"Wonderful! I'll let Valentine know."

He left the room happily.

"You hear that, Magnus? They're coming to help us."

"It won't be enough," Magnus said miserably. "Valentine has hundreds of Shadowhunters working for him. What makes you think Jace and Clary will be enough?"

"They'll bring backup. Jace isn't stupid, Magnus. He'll bring help. The whole Institute, even. And Luke's pack. Your Warlock friends, and Raphael. They'll all come. And I doubt he has all this followers here. Think, have we seen any? Heard any? It's a small house, we'd know if they were here."

The room was silent for a while.

"You really think we'll get out of here?" Magnus whispered.

"I know it. Have faith in our friends. They'll free us and then I'll kill Patrick myself. I promise."

Silence again.

"I want to go home." Magnus's voice was barely a breath.

"I know. We'll get you there."

Just as he finished his sentence, Valentine and Patrick reentered the room.

"I hear you gave up," Valentine said to Alec. "About time. Jace and Clary are on the way, then?"

"And they're not alone."

"We'll be ready." he cupped Alec's bruised cheek. "Thank you, Alexander. We couldn't have done it without you." He dropped his hand and turned to Patrick.

"Leave them alone for now," he told him. "We got what we wanted. If you beg him, Alexander, maybe Patrick will agree to clean your Warlock's wounds."

Valentine left and Patrick grinned.

"I'm not about to beg you for anything," Alec said to him. "I'll clean his wounds myself as soon as we're out of here."

"What makes you think you'll be getting out of here?"

"I know Jace. If he's determined enough to free us, it will get done."

"Well, someone needs to win this battle. Don't be so sure it will be you."

He followed Valentine out.

Magnus was getting weaker and weaker with every passing moment. Alec knew he was losing too much blood. He could barely keep his eyes open, and Alec couldn't remember the last time either of them had slept. It was nearly impossible to do so in Alec's position, and Magnus couldn't lay down in any matter without upsetting his various wounds.

It would all be okay. Magnus could sleep for days once they get free, and Alec hoped Magnus could forgive him enough to let him rest beside him. There was nowhere else he'd rather be.

Alec knew the moment help arrived. He looked out the only window in the room, hoping to see something, but didn't. He could only hear what was happening. Shouting, groaning, even laughing. He could hear the Werewolves growling and snarling, could hear the Vampires hissing around their fangs.

He could feel Jace. His heartbeat, his breath, they way he cut through enemy after enemy. Alec realized he had underestimated how many Circle members were at the house, but neither side was outnumbered.

They were going to win. Between the Werewolves and the Vampires and the Warlocks, they had more skill than the false Shadowhunters Valentine had created with the Cup. Valentine hadn't seemed to think of this, and Alec was finally, finally relieved. He had hope.

There was screaming coming from just outside the room Alec and Magnus were in. It flew open and a feisty redhead walked in with her nerdy Vampire friend behind her. Both had almost as much blood on them as Magnus.

"Oh my God, Magnus," Clary said in shock, looking between him and and Alec.

"Clary, let me down."

She did as she was told, using her stele to unlock Alec's chains. His arms felt painfully sore from being held above his head for so long, blood seeping from his wrists. He did his best to ignore his own pain and went straight to Magnus.

Clary unlocked Magnus's bound wrists without being asked, and tried to do the same to the collar around his neck.

"It's not working," she said.

"What do you mean? It has to work, that collar is what's keeping him from using his magic. We have to get it off so he can heal himself."

"I know, Alec, but I'm telling you, it's not working."

"Guys," Simon said, "maybe we should focus on getting out of here? More bad guys are probably on the way."

"He's right, Alec. We can find a way to remove the collar later."

"Fine." Alec wrapped his all but dead arms around Magnus, not quite able to keep them from shaking. Magnus was barely awake. Alec wondered if he knew they were safe now.

"Take him back to the Institute," he told Clary. "I have something to take care of."

"No, Alec, come with us. You're too weak to fight and besides, Magnus needs you."

Alec thought of Patrick, of his promise to Magnus that he would kill him for his actions. He knew the evil man would probably be killed in the battle, but he really wanted to kill him himself

Magnus was more important than revenge.

"Okay," he said. "I'll go with you."

Clary opened a glowing portal and the three of them went through. They were back at the Institute, and Alec could breathe again. He and Simon supported Magnus's now unconscious form.

"We need to get him to the infirmary, now."

They were there within a minute. Alec didn't want to lay Magnus on his back because of the lashes, nor on his stomach because of the carvings. Both options were not ideal so they chose to put him on his back. A nurse was beside Magnus's bed immediately and started cleaning the wounds on his chest. Alec hoped it wouldn't hurt him enough to wake him up. He deserved to have a break.

"Alec, you need to be looked at too."

"I don't. I have runes to heal me, Clary. I'll be fine."

Once the nurse bandaged Magnus's front, Alec helped flip him over to treat his back. Even the nurse flinched at the brutality of what she saw. She didn't ask questions.

"Is it infected?" asked Alec.

"No," the nurse said. "But if it went untreated any longer, it would have been."

Catarina Loss came to Magnus's side the moment she was able. She tried to use her magic to heal him, but found it wouldn't work.

"It's the collar," she said. "No magic will work on him while he wears it. If we cannot get it off, my guess is that only the one who placed it there could."

Patrick. Alec was glad Clary hadn't let him stay behind to kill the man. It looked like they would need him.

"What if they kill him in the battle?" Alec asked. "How do we get it off then?"

"They won't kill him if they can help it. Izzy will get him here, Alec. I told her we might need him."

Alec's wounds were almost completely healed by the time Isabelle walked into the infirmary.

"Tell me you have good news."

"Good and bad," she said. "The good news is, Valentine is dead. Jace killed him with a blade through his chest. We won."

Alec could remember that moment. He had felt Jace's excitement and pride. Jace was glad he was the one to kill Valentine. He would have to congratulate him on his success later.

"And the bad news?"

Izzy paused before responding. "It's that guy, Patrick. I know what he did, Alec, and I'm sorry, but he got away."

Alec was suddenly dizzy. "You let him get away?" There went their only chance of getting Magnus's magic back. Without it, how would he fully heal? It would take forever.

"Nobody let him do anything. He slipped away in the heat of the battle. I only realized when his car nearly ran me over on his way out."

Alec needed to sit down. The idea that that monster was free… it was too much for him.

"There is hope," Izzy went on. "We rescued another Warlock from the house, the one who made the portal when we were first taken. He says he knows where Patrick went off to. He and Valentine had a sort of lair. He believes Patrick will have gone there."

Alec processed this, and knew he would still get his revenge.

"Izzy, I need you to do this for me. For Magnus. You're the best Shadowhunter we have. I need you to go out, find Patrick, and bring him to me. Alive."

Izzy looked hesitant. "Alec, what are you going to do?"

"First, he's going to open that damn collar. Then, I'm going to give him what he deserves."


	7. Chapter 7

Alec never left Magnus's side, and the nurse barely did either, for those first few hours. Alec was glad that his boyfriend finally got to rest, and was a little annoyed that the nurse kept on poking and prodding at him, worried she would wake him up.

The nurse suddenly stiffened, then looked to Alec with a worried look.

"Mr. Lightwood… could you tell me exactly what happened to Mr. Bane?"

Alec just looked at her. "I don't want to talk about it, but… what do you need to know?"

"Was he raped?" she whispered.

Alec breathed in. "You can tell?"

"There is tearing, blood, and traces of semen. He'll need stitches."

Alec let his breath out and wiped a hand over his face. "Yeah, it was… it was bad." He didn't want to think about it.. Why was this woman making him think about it?

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Don't. Just don't. Take care of him and leave."

She pursed her lips, stitched him up, and complied.

Magnus was laying on his back when he finally woke up hours later. He opened his eyes slowly and let out a small noise Alec couldn't describe. He was out of his chair immediately, touching Magnus's arm.

He flinched away violently.

"Magnus," Alec said softly. "Magnus, it's just me."

But he must have been delirious, Alec thought, because he recoiled from Alec's hand.

"Leave me alone. Go away."

"Magnus, what's wrong?"

"Everything is wrong, Alec!" and Alec knew that Magnus was not, in fact, delirious. "I don't want you here. I said leave me alone."

"Why? Where is this coming from? We're out of there! We got free, you should be happy."

"Happy? Happy that I was tortured and raped? Or happy that you picked Jace over me?"

Magnus might as well have slapped him. "Magnus, you know I couldn't have just let Jace walk into Valentine's trap-"

"But you did! Eventually you did, you just waited until I was at my weakest before you did anything."

The guilt weighed on Alec's shoulders. This was all because of him. He might as well have tortured Magnus himself.

Letting Jace track him could have ended with Jace being killed in the battle, but Magnus was right. He should have had faith that Jace could handle himself and done something sooner.

"Magnus, Jace is my parabatai." He was trying to explain himself.

"And I was your boyfriend."

"...Was?"

"If you don't leave in the next five seconds I will scream and have you dragged out of here."

There was a lump in Alec's throat as he nodded and left the room for the first time since they got there.

Magnus didn't want him anymore, and he was right to feel that way. Would they ever get past this? He didn't know.

He was on his way to his room when he ran right into Jace.

"There you are," he said. "I was just about to come see you and Magnus. How is he?"

Alec sighed and shook his head. "He hates me. He should. I picked you over him, and he won't even let me be in the same room as him now."

Jace shifted his feet and crossed his arms. "Why didn't you let me track you sooner? I could have helped you, both of you."

"I thought I was protecting you and Clary. You could have died in that battle and if you did, that would be on me too."

Jace nodded, then smiled. "Killed Valentine, though."

Alec let himself smile a little, too. "Yeah, nice work. You should be proud. You saved a lot of people."

"Hey, when was the last time you slept?"

"I don't know. A day before we were captured, maybe? I should probably get a few hours in."

"Do you want me to go talk to Magnus?"

"God, no. If he won't even look at me, I don't know what he would do around you."

"Good point. Get some sleep." He patted Alec on the shoulder and went in his own direction. Alec went to his room.

As he closed his eyes, he wondered again if Magnus would ever forgive him.

* * *

Patrick couldn't believe what was happening. This wasn't how things were supposed to go, they were supposed to win, damn it. Now Valentine was dead and there was no one to lead the Circle.

Unless he stepped up before someone else did.

He drove across state after state without rest. He had to get to the hideout, it was the only place he would be safe from those damn Shadowhunters. The younger Warlock he and Valentine had in their custody for months was the one who put the wards up around the lair. No one would find him there.

He underestimated Isabelle Lightwood.

There was no one at the lair when he arrived, which was understandable as their leader had just been killed and there was no order. He would have to fix that.

He didn't know what to do with himself. Without Valentine telling him what to do and with his new toys having been rescued….

The first thing he decided to do was sleep.

Which turned out to be a mistake because it meant letting his guard down. He didn't think anyone would find him there, but he was wrong.

He woke to a sharp pain across his chest and sat up with a cry in his throat.

"I heard you like whips," said a female voice. It was that Lightwood girl.

He stood up from the bed to face her. This would be easy.

"How did you find me?" he asked.

"A little Warlock told me. You know, the one you abused for months. He led me here, and took down the wards for me."

That little bitch.

"I suppose you're here because you want revenge?"

"Alec does, and I'll leave it to him. All I have to do it get you to the Institute alive." She smirked at Patrick's disbelieving face.

"They sent a little girl to capture me?" he laughed.

"Yes."

Isabelle lifted her whip again, this time lashing it across Patrick's face, which only made him angrier as it swelled an bled. But he didn't have a weapon, to his disadvantage. He charged Isabelle, making to grab her throat.

She easily sidestepped him and brought the whip back down on his back. He growled in annoyance.

The next time she raised her weapon, Patrick was ready. He grabbed the whip before it could make contact with his skin. He pulled on the whip and Isabelle was forced onto her hands and knees. Patrick forcefully flipped her onto her back and wrapped his hands around her throat as he had tried to before. He squeezed as hard as he could and her face was turning blue before someone came to her aid.

Patrick was kicked in the side, so hard he was sure a rib was broken. He let go of Isabelle and fell half on top of her in pain.

"Are you alright, Isabelle?" It was that Warlock.

"I'm all right, Adrian." Her voice was sore and raspy, neck bruised. She pushed Patrick off of her.

Patrick tried to get up but with his injured side, he found it difficult. Before he could fully stand up, there were cuffs being placed around his wrists behind his back. He took his chance to headbutt Isabelle in the face as she stood behind him. She retaliated by giving him a matching bloody nose with her fist. He didn't fight back after that.

"Adrian, if you will."

The Warlock nodded and created a portal with a wave of his hands. Patrick could tell how weak the Warlock was by how dim it was.

Suddenly the three of them were back at the Institute, and Patrick felt the dread building inside him. He wondered where Isabelle's brother was. He knew he wouldn't be happy with him.

"Tell Alec we've got Patrick," Isabelle said to some Shadowhunter Patrick didn't know.

He was led through the Institute, through hall after hall, until they came to an elevator which they took to the lowest level where the holding cells were.

It was freezing cold.

Patrick was locked in the room. He sat on the cot and waited. And waited. He wondered how long Alec would take to show up for his revenge.

When he finally did, Patrick was almost glad. He was getting bored.

"Good to see you again, Alexander."

Alec went straight to business. "How do I remove the collar?"

Patrick let himself smile. "Oh, right. You need me. That must bother you."

"How do I remove it?"  
"Only I can. You know that. But you also know that I would never do it willingly."

"Then I guess we'll have you do it unwillingly."

"It's not going to happen."

"Izzy."

Isabelle entered the room.

"Give me your whip."

She looked hesitant.

"If you give it to him," Patrick said to her, "you'll be making him into a monster. He'll be no better than I am."

She handed it to her brother. "Anyone is better than you."

"Take off your clothes," Alec demanded. Patrick knew what he was going. His Warlock had been undressed in the cold, so Patrick would be as well. He did as he was told.

Alec wasted no time. "I'm going to lash you until every inch of you is bleeding. Until even your mother wouldn't be able to recognize you. And when you beg me to stop, I won't. The only way you get out of this is if you agree to unlock the collar."

Patrick couldn't stop himself from shaking. He was scared. But he wasn't about to show it.

"Has he even forgiven you?" he asked. "Can he even stand to look at you, after what you did to him?"

"YOU did this to him, not me."

"I bet he doesn't see it that way. You could have saved him, and you didn't."

"Shut up."

"I don't see how you two are ever going to get past this, I really don't."

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

He lashed him once, then twice, then three times in succession. Patrick laughed through his pain.

"Does this make you feel better, Alexander?"

"Don't call me that."

It took fifteen more lashes before Patrick felt tears on his face.

"Look, Izzy, he's crying."

Despite his pain, Patrick said, "Well, it only took four before Magnus started."

Alec kicked his side over and over. If he thought he had a broken rib before, he knew he did now.

He coughed up blood.

"How does that taste?"

Patrick collapsed to the floor, gasping.

"Get up," Alec said.

Patrick didn't move.

"Get up!" He brought the whip up again.

"Stop! I'll unlock the collar."

"How do we do it? What do you need to open it?"

"Just my hand. My touch will be enough to unlock it."

"Just your hand?"

"Yes."

Without so much as a warning, Alec pulled out his blade and severed Patrick's right hand. He screamed and screamed and clutched his bleeding arm to his chest.

"Alec!"

"We just need his hand. And this works better, too, because I'm not about to let him in the same room as Magnus."

Alec was about to leave the room before Isabelle said, "Shouldn't we treat his wounds?"

"He never treated any on Magnus's."

And that was that.

The two of them left Patrick all alone, bleeding more than he ever had in his life, and he thought to himself that maybe it wasn't worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

Alec made his way through the Institute with Patrick's hand wrapped in a towel, on his way to the infirmary. Part of him was hoping Magnus wouldn't be awake. Not because he knew Magnus didn't want to see him, but because he didn't know how Magnus would react to the severed hand.

He was out of luck, it seemed.

Catarina was at Magnus's side, talking, but Alec couldn't make out what she was saying from the doorway. As he moved towards the two, Catarina moved towards him.

"He doesn't want to see you, Alec."

"I know.. I know, but I've got what we need to unlock the collar."

Catarina eyed him curiously, then looked back at her friend. Magnus nodded, and they both went to him.

"This may be disturbing, Magnus, but I assure you it is the only way."

"It can't be more disturbing than being tortured," Magnus said quietly. Alec could tell how reluctant he was to speak to him.

Alec unfolded the towel and revealed the hand. Catarina gasped.

"Is that-?"

"Patrick's," Magnus said, then looked Alec in the eyes. "I'm guessing the only way to get it off was with his touch. And you decided to cut his hand off to do it?"

"I wasn't about to let him anywhere near you again. This was the best option."

"That's sweet, Alexander," Magnus's tone was biting. "But if you don't mind, I'd like to use the damn thing to get my magic back and heal myself."

"Right." Alec brought the hand to Magnus's collar and it immediately opened at the touch.

Magnus breathed in air as he felt his magic stirring again. He grimaced, as if in pain.

"Magnus, what is it?" Catarina asked.

"It's weak… not strong enough to heal. It will take a while before I'm at full power."

"I've got you," Catarina said, and put her hands over Magnus's chest, blue flames emitting from them.

Magnus let out a breath of relief as his wounds stitched together, pain disappearing. He looked down at his chest and frowned, seeing the scars there, marking him as Valentine's property. Alec knew what he was thinking.

"Valentine was killed," he said.

"I heard."

"And I'm going to kill Patrick."

"You? The boy who always follows the rules, you're going to kill a man instead of giving him over to the Clave like a good Shadowhunter?"

"I'm doing this for you, Magnus."

"For me?" he scoffed. "You're doing it for yourself. You want your revenge on Patrick and you hope I will forgive you if you kill him."

"You mean you won't?"

"You're the one who hurt me, Alec, not him. Not really. I don't know if I will ever forgive you. I just...I need time…."

Alec bowed his head. "I understand."

"Alec," Catarina spoke. "I think you should go." And she gave him a look that said, _I'll look after him._

Alec took the hand with him when he left, disposing of it on his way back to the holding cells. He met Jace on the way.

"I heard you cut off Patrick's hand!"

"Yes."

"And you got Magnus his magic back?"

"Yes."

"Then what's wrong?"

"He still hates me. He said I only want to kill Patrick because I want him to forgive me."

"But that's not the reason?"

Alec stood tall, towering over his parabatai. "That monster deserves to die, Jace. After what he did to Magnus, there is no way I am letting him out of this Institute alive. Do I want Magnus to forgive me? Of course I do, but that is _not_ the reason I am going to kill Patrick."

Jace placed both hands on Alec's shoulders. "You have every reason to want that man dead, and I'm not going to stop you from killing him. But if you're not careful and Maryse finds out… just, don't get caught, okay? She probably doesn't even know you cut his hand off."

"Right…. Jace, will you help me? Patrick deserves more than just death, and I plan to give him it."

Jace nodded. "What do you need?"

* * *

Patrick knelt on the cold floor, holding his bloody arm and sobbing through the pain. Yet, he didn't regret what he had done, not fully. All his torture meant was that he wanted to hurt Alec Lightwood even more.

He composed himself as he heard footsteps outside the door, stopped his tears from running and tried to ignore the pain when Lightwood stepped into the room.

"How are we holding up, Pat?" Alec said conversationally.

If looks could kill, Alec would be dead.

"Nothing to say?"

Patrick was silent.

"All right. Jace!"

Alec's parabatai entered the room with two large buckets. Patrick could only guess what was in them. After all, he had used this method on the Warlock.

"This is Jace." Alec said. "We talked about him, remember?"

Patrick was silent.

Alec delivered a kick to his already bruised ribs

"I said, remember?"

Patrick nodded his head with a gasp of pain.

"Do you want to know what Magnus felt?"

Patrick was silent.

Alec gestured to Jace and suddenly Patrick's back was on fire where he had been whipped. Patrick screamed, just as Magnus had. But Alec didn't smile.

As he got used to the pain, Patrick started to laugh. Alec frowned.

"You seem angry. I take it he hasn't forgiven you? I wouldn't, if I were him."

Alec kicked him again but Patrick only laughed again.

"It's a shame," he said, "that you lost your boyfriend. He was a great fuck."

Instantly Alec had hold of Patrick's arm - the one without a hand. He brought him to the other bucket of salt water and submerged it inside.

Patrick was in more pain than he had ever felt as he thrashed and turned about, trying to free himself from this agony.

When Alec finally let him up, Patrick had no more laughter in him.

"You hurt my family," Alec said. "For that, I'm going to kill you. But you don't deserve a quick death, no. What do you think, Jace?"

Patrick noticed that Jace looked uncomfortable.

"It's your game, man," was all he said, and he may have not agreed with everything Alec was doing, but he stood beside him as a good brother would.

"I don't know… I think I'll let him bleed out."

Before any of them moved, Alec had a small knife in his hand. Without further warning, he shoved it into Patrick's side, careful not to puncture any organs. Patrick wailed.

"Without treatment, you will be dead within a few hours," Alec told him. "I hope you think what you did to Magnus was worth it."

Patrick grunted as he spoke what would likely be his last words. "It was worth it, because he will never forgive you, and that hurts you in more ways than I ever could."

Alec brought his boot down on where Patrick's hand used to be, then gave him one final kick before turning to leave.

"Enjoy your time in hell," was the last thing Patrick heard.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello all! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews and support. I apologize for not updating in forever, but I've been terribly busy. I'm sorry for the shortness of this chapter and the crappy writing but i wanted to give you all something to read. Please enjoy!**

* * *

Alec fell to his knees the moment he left Patrick's cell. Vomit spewed from his mouth, beyond his control.

He had never killed a man before. Monsters, yes. But an actual man?

All he wanted to do was go to Magnus.

Jace appeared behind him and put a supportive hand on his back. "You okay, buddy?"

"No."

"Killing Patrick didn't make you feel better?"

"No. Why would it? It won't help me help Magnus."

"You need to give him time. In a month from now, I'm sure he'll forget all about it."

Alec scoffed. "You weren't there. You didn't see how bad it was. It's gonna take much more than a month to fix this."

Alec sat with his back to the wall, not ready to get up and face his problems. Jace sat next to him.

"The trick," Jace said, "is not to give up on him, even if he says he doesn't want to see you. You gotta keep going back, show him that you really care."

"You just said I need to give him time. Plus, that's awful advice, Jace. He's made it perfectly clear he doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Do you have a better idea?"

Alec sighed. He liked to think he knew Magnus, that he understood him well, but maybe he was wrong.

"No. No, I don't."

* * *

Alec rehearsed what he would say to Magnus in his head on the way to the infirmary, but was disappointed when he arrived.

Magnus wasn't there.

But Izzy was.

"Where is he?" Alec asked her.

Izzy looked sad. "He went home. Don't worry, Catarina went with him, he's not alone."

Alec was quiet for a moment.

"Alec-"

"He didn't say goodbye. He knows how worried I am, and he just left."

Izzy sighed. "He sees things differently, Alec. I think part of him blames you for what happened to him. He isn't ready to forgive you yet."

"Do you think he ever will?"

"It's hard to say."

Alec bowed his head. "I had his heart in my hands, Izzy. And I crushed it." A tear slipped down his face, and Isabelle caught it.

"I'm sorry, big brother." And she brought him in for a tight hug as more tears fell.

They stayed like that for a long time, until Alec calmed down.

Izzy felt horrible. If Alec had just picked her to stay…. But no, that would have made things that much worse for Alec, and she knew that.

Now, Alec didn't get angry easily, but when his family was hurt (and yes, Magnus was his family) that could change. Alec didn't realize it, but he needed someone to blame.

"Jace," he said when he was done crying.

"What about Jace?" Izzy asked.

"This is all his fault."

* * *

"Alec, slow down!"

But Alec wasn't listening to his sister. He made his way through the Institute with a determined stride. He was going to find Jace.

"Jace didn't do anything, Alec! He tried to help you, but you wouldn't let him, remember?"

But Alec wasn't listening to reason. He was listening to the anger in his heart.

Jace met Alec with a smile, not seeing the problem at first. He did see the problem when Alec punched him across the face.

With a busted lip, Jace looked to Alec. "What the fuck was that for?"

"For Magnus." And he punched him again.

Jace blocked Alec's third punch. "I didn't do anything to Magnus!"

"Maybe not directly, but it's because of you that he got hurt. Because I wanted to protect you!"

"That's on you, Alec!" Jace yelled back. "You could have given me up and saved Magnus but you chose not to!"

"You don't even appreciate what I did for you! I lost the love of my life for you and you don't even care!"

Jace took a deep breath. "I do care. But you didn't have to protect me. I would have been fine facing Valentine if you had just let me."

Alec shook his head in disbelief. "You know what really bothers me, Jace?"  
"I have the feeling you're about to tell me."

"If you had been in my position, and Clary was the one being tortured and raped, you wouldn't have even hesitated in letting me track you. You would have given me up in a heartbeat to save her."

Jace pursed his lips. "I would have been doing the right thing, doing that. Because I would have realized you could take on Valentine."

"And if I couldn't? I would have died, just like I was worried you would. But that doesn't matter, does it? Because you would still have Clary, right? So what if your parabatai died?"

"That's not fair, Alec."

"What's not fair is what Magnus had to go through. Our bond has never meant as much to you as it did to me."

Alec went to punch Jace again, but was surprised when Isabelle stopped him.

"You need to stop," she said desperately. "This isn't helping."

The boys calmed down after a moment, but Alec was visibly shaking in anger.

"Alec," Izzy said, "go get some rest. You and I can discuss what to do once you wake up."

Alec nodded reluctantly, and turned to leave the room.

"Sorry about that," Izzy said to Jace. "The past couple of days have been hard on him."

"I understand that, I just don't get why he's mad at me."

"I don't think he's really mad at you, he just needs to get his anger out somehow. He feels helpless."

"I wonder when he and Magnus will finally make up."

"You think they will?"

"They have to."

* * *

The first thing Magnus did when he got home was take a nice, long shower. He wasn't in pain anymore, but still felt the ghost of his suffering.

The scars on his chest didn't help. He looked in the mirror, staring at them, knowing that not even his magic would make them go away.

He hated himself for it.

He hated Alec even more.

But no, not really. He couldn't hate Alexander, no matter what. He was just hurt and angry at the moment.

He needed time, that was all.

Catarina knocked on the door and Magnus gave her the okay to enter the room.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I'm not lying."

Catarina sighed. "I still think you should have talked to Alec. He's just worried about-"

"I'm not talking to Alec right now. You weren't there, Cat. He just… let it happen."

"It was a lose-lose situation."

"He should have cared about me more."

"So you think he should have let Isabelle stay?"

"Of course not!"

"Then what are you saying?"

"...He should have given up Jace sooner."

"Jace is his parabatai. He cares about him, maybe as much as he cares about you."

Magnus looked down and closed his eyes. "I don't know what to think right now."

"That's okay. Get some rest, will you?"

"Agreed."


	10. Chapter 10

Alec's weapon of choice had always been his bow and arrows. As the months flew by without a word from Magnus, that changed.

The arrows pierced through the air with a sort of grace and precision Alec had always admired, and he was good with the bow. Very good, in fact.

So why would he change?

He found he was pulled more towards axes lately, the force and brutality that came with using them made Alec… relaxed, for lack of a better word. It made him forget.

He barely noticed Isabelle's touch on his arm as he raised his axe and brought it down again and again on a Forsaken's head, blood flying in all directions, splattering on Alec's face, but he didn't notice or care.

"Alec," she said soothingly, trying to bring him back. "It's dead, Alec. You can stop."

He did, when he came out of it. He had been picturing the body before him was that of Patrick, the man who had taken everything from him. When he stopped, he looked around and saw only his sister. He was glad Jace wasn't there.

"Alec, you can't keep running off like this. You were outnumbered. What would have happened if I hadn't followed you?"

Alec sighed. "I'm fine, Iz."

"Because I came along to save your ass."

"I could have handled it."

"No. I know you're still hurting, after Magnus, but that's no reason-"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

Isabelle paused, then said, "You need to stop being so reckless. You may not have Magnus anymore, but you do have the rest of your family. We care about you, Alec. Don't do something stupid to take you away from us."

Alec barely listened to her. They had been over this before.

Yes, it had been months since Alec had heard from Magnus. Isabelle had seen him once in passing. She said he looked good.

She hadn't mentioned that he had been with another man, arm in arm. She didn't have the heart to tell Alec that little bit of information. She didn't know if they were together, anyway, or if they were just friends.

Alec would be crushed.

The next day found Alec in the training room, beating a punching bag to death. Jace was the one who, for once, tried to calm him down, but all her got was a bloody nose for his effort. So naturally Izzy went to him next. He wouldn't hurt her like he would hurt Jace. After all, he was still pissed at Jace for the events of a few months ago.

She put a hand on his shoulder, startling him into almost punching her. He took a deep breath. "What do you want?"

"I want you to stop. You're only hurting yourself here."

"And Jace."

"And Jace."

Alec turned to face his sister, looking down. "I'm just… trying to get it out."

"Get what out?"

"The anger."

"Why don't you practice your archery? You haven't done that in a while and it won't involve hurting yourself."

"No."

"Why not?"

"That never works. I need the… physicality, whether I'm hurting myself or someone else."

"Is that why you punched Jace?"

"He got in my way."

Isabelle sighed. "Maybe get some rest, big brother."

"I don't need rest."

"It's getting late. Everyone else is heading to bed."

"Good. Now maybe no one will interrupt me again." And he turned back to the punching bag.

"Do you think Magnus would want this for you?"

Now that made Alec mad. "What did you just say?"

Isabelle froze.

"It doesn't matter what Magnus would want," Alec growled. "Magnus is gone. And he doesn't give two shits about me anymore. So back the fuck off."

Isabelle recoiled and walked away sheepishly.

Alec didn't even regret treating her that way. She had no right to bring up Magnus to him, even if she was only trying to help him. He didn't want to hear it.

The next day, Alec wouldn't even leave his room. Isabelle knew it was because he was crying again. Once he had been in there all day but yelled at her when she entered. He didn't want anyone to see him like that. She left meals for him outside his door, but he never ate them, and it wasn't even Isabelle who had cooked them.

Alec was the first out of bed the next day. Isabelle hadn't gotten to see him that morning before he was out of the Institute, probably off on another one of his reckless hunts. Isabelle hadn't even been able to track him.

She breathed out a sigh of relief when she saw him later that day. Then she noticed he was covered in blood and cradling his arm as if it were broken.

She went right up to him and slapped him across the face. He didn't blink.

"I deserved that," he said.

"You deserve that and more, Alexander Lightwood!"

"I was careful, okay?"

"This," she gestured to him, "is what 'careful' looks like to you?"

"Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

"Not good enough!"

Alec sighed. "Look, I'll go to the infirmary right now, okay?"

"Good. If you haven't noticed, Alec, you don't have a Warlock boyfriend to heal your every wound anymore."

The moment she said it, she wished she hadn't. The look on Alec's face was heartbreaking, but also incredibly angry. At Isabelle.

"Alec, I'm sorry, I don't know why I-"

Alec just shoved past her, and she knew he wouldn't talk to her for at least two weeks.

* * *

Magnus was healing. Slowly, yes, but still healing.

It had been months since he's seen Alec, but not a day went by that he didn't think of him.

He had dialed his number so many times, but never was able to hit that call button.

He missed Alexander.

He missed his smile, his laugh, his touch.

All he wanted was to go back to him.

But did Alec even want him anymore? What if he moved on by now? What if he was disgusted by Magnus after what Patrick did to him?

Part of him thought he was being stupid. He didn't actually think Alec would blame Magnus for what happened to him. That was ridiculous.

But still….

Magnus had been so lonely for the first few months. He had Catarina, who stayed with him more often than not, and Raphael, who did his best to support his friend, but without Alec, his life was dull.

Then he met Elliot.

He had been simply walking down the street towards his loft when a giant golden retriever came barrelling into him, knocking him over.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, sir!" said an approaching voice.

Magnus couldn't help but laugh as the dog licked his face.

"It's all right," he said.

"I'm sorry, he just pulled and I wasn't looking and the leash just left my hand-"

"It's fine," Magnus said. "You don't need to apologize."

The man helped him up off the ground. And looked at him… strangely.

"I'm Elliot," he said, shaking his hand.

"Magnus."

"Well, Magnus, you must let me buy you a drink to repay you. Do you like coffee?"

Magnus was instinctively going to say that he was sorry because he had a boyfriend, but then he remembered.

So instead he found himself saying, "That sounds really nice." And then they were off.

Magnus could never say that Eliot was his boyfriend, exactly, but he was good company.

After a few months of friendship, Elliot made his move.

He tried to kiss Magnus.

Magnus froze, then started shaking in fear. This couldn't happen to him, not again.

Elliot backed up at Magnus's reaction. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"N-nothing. I just- I just can't-"

"Hey. It's okay. We don't need to rush this."

"You don't understand... I can't…."

"Did you have a bad experience or something?"

Magnus could only nod as tears started to fall.

"It's okay, Magnus, I understand."

No, you don't.

Elliot wrapped him in a hug which did nothing to calm him down.

He thought of Alexander.


	11. Chapter 11

He felt chills, like spiders crawling up and down his arms.

Walking down the busy, cold street, Magnus shoved his hands into his pockets, daydreaming. About what, he couldn't say, but he inhaled the cool air and thought to himself that maybe things were getting better.

Looking down at his phone, he wasn't watching where he was going and walked right into another man. He dropped his phone at the collision.

"I'm so sorry," he said, bending down to retrieve his phone. Then he glanced up.

And saw Alexander Lightwood standing before him.

"Magnus," he said, blinking in surprise.

Magnus didn't say anything, just looked down and began walking away as if the encounter never happened. Then he felt a hand on his arm.

"Magnus, wait," Alec said, "Talk to me. Please."

Magnus pulled his arm away. Alec had no right to touch him anymore.

"What do you want, Alec?"

Alec flinched, as if the shortened version of his name sounded odd on Magnus's lips.

"Nothing," he said. "Just… how are you?"

"Peachy. Can I go now?"

Alec's face fell, and for the first time Magnus saw how… different he looked. His eyes had dark circles around them and they were red, as if he'd just been crying. He was slimmer than last time they met and his hair was long and unruly.

He looked half dead.

"I'm sorry, Alec, I just… I have to go."

"Wait," Alec put his hands up. "Just tell me. Tell me you don't love me anymore."

"I don't," he replied.

Alec looked shocked at his quick response. "What?"

"I don't love you, Alec. I've moved on."

The sky above them seemed to gray, and Alec's face grew angry.

"Good," he said. "Because I could never love you back. After what that man did to you? You're disgusting. And I bet you liked it, too. You're a whore, Magnus. A disgusting whore. And you deserve what you got."

Alec slapped him across the face as his tears fell.

And then he was awake, sitting up in his bed with a man lying next to him.

"Alexander?" he whispered.

"Close. My name's Elliot, Mags. We've been dating for months, remember?"

Oh.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said. "I just…"

"You miss him."

"What? No! I'm just… getting used to it, that's all."

Elliot pulled him back down so Magnus was lying next to him again. He traced the scars on Magnus's chest with his finger.

"How did you get them?" he asked.

"You know I don't like talking about it."

"Did Alexander give them to you/"

"It's Alec. And no, not really."

"Not really?"

"Hmm."

"Okay. Who's V.M.?"

"The one who did give them to me."

They were silent for a while. Elliot smiled and started leaving kisses up Magnus's chest, eventually reaching his jaw.

Magnus closed his eyes. "Elliot," he began.

"Shh."

"I don't want to, Elliot."

"You never want to. Don't you think it's time? We've been dating for months and haven't gotten past kissing. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just not ready, and if you don't like it, you can leave."

Elliot groaned and rolled back to his side of the bed. "It's because i'm not him, isn't it? You still love Alexander."

"It's Alec."

"Whatever, Mags."

Elliot got out of bed to head to the bathroom. Moments later, Magnus heard the water turn on.

He thought about the dream he had. What did it mean? Did he really not love Alexander anymore?

No. Part of him would always love Alec. But that's not what he needed right now.

Maybe Elliot would be good for him. A distraction. Magnus never got very far with him, but maybe it was time for things to progress.

Elliot exited the bathroom, dripping wet. He shuffled through the drawer of his things he kept at Magnus's.

"You wanna go get some breakfast?" he asked.

"You're not mad at me?"

"I could never be mad at you. I understand that you've been through some tough shit, and I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want. Magnus, I think I'm falling in love with you."

Oh shit.

"Thank you," was all Magnus said.

Elliot looked disappointed. "Get dressed. We can go to that bagel place you like."

* * *

Alec had been getting worse and worse with each passing day. He hadn't been sleeping or eating and Isabelle had told him he looked as pale as a ghost.

He hadn't been training, hadn't been going out on hunts. At first it was as if he needed that, needed the violence to keep himself out of his own head and away from thoughts of Magnus. Now it was the opposite. Thoughts of violence only brought back images of what happened to the man he loved. And he couldn't fight anyway, not with the state he was in. He was useless.

Sometimes in the early morning or late night, Alec would go to Magnus's building, where they had made so many memories together. He had never seen Magnus leave or enter, and he never knew why he went. It just hurt.

However, when he went that morning, he did see Magnus leaving the building. And he wasn't alone. He was arm in arm with another man, and a dog was heeling next to the stranger.

Alec froze in the middle of the sidewalk. Magnus looked up and saw him, coming to as stop as well. The man looked between them.

"Magnus," Alec said in a whisper.

The man frowned. "Oh!" he said, "This must be Alexander!"

"It's Alec," Alec replied.

"I've heard a lot about you." And with that, the stranger punched him across the face, causing blood to spurt from Alec's nose.

"Elliot!" Magnus exclaimed, horrified.

As Alec recomposed himself, he saw Elliot grab Magnus's face and kiss him hard, as if to show Alec that Magnus wasn't his anymore. It made Alec angry. Beyond angry.

When the kiss broke, Magnus said, "Elliot, will you give us a minute?"

Elliot looked hesitant but soon led his dog away to sniff at some bushes.

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asked.

"I come her sometimes to… I don't know."

'Oh." Magnus looked at his feet.

"I see you've moved on."

"I… yes, well… yes."

Alec cleared his throat. "How long?"

"A few months."

"Oh. And you two, well… have you, you know. Slept with him?" He needed to know, no matter how it sounded.

"We sleep together."

"Oh," he said again.'

"But we haven't done anything sexual."

Thank the Angel, Alec thought. He couldn't bear the thought of someone else being with Magnus like that.

"How is everyone?" Magnus asked. Since the incident, he hadn't kept up with any of his old friends.

"They're good, yeah."

"Jace?"

Alec inwardly flinched. "He's fine," he said bitterly.

There was a brief silence. "Alexander. If you don't need anything, I should probably be going."

"Wait," Alec grabbed his arm. "Just tell me. Tell me you don't love me anymore."

Magnus looked at him with a soft expression.

"I could never stop loving you, Alexander. But that doesn't mean I forgive you."

"What do you need me to do? Tell me, Magnus, and I'll do it. Anything."

"Give me space."

Alec could do that, of course, but his worry was that Magnus would find someone else, Elliot maybe, and fall in love. And forget Alec. He couldn't live with that.

"I'll give you space," he said. "But please, Magnus…" He was about to ask Magnus to wait for him, but no, that wouldn't be fair to Magnus. He should do what he felt was right for him while he was recovering.

"Please, what, Alec?"

"Just be careful."

Magnus nodded and turned away, heading to where Elliot was waiting for him. They locked hands and walked away.


	12. Chapter 12

As if to ensure Magnus wasn't going anywhere, Elliot kissed him anytime he got the opportunity.

Magnus hated it. It felt like Elliot wanted something from him, like he was trying too hard to make their relationship work out. And though Magnus would never admit it to Elliot, Alec was a much better kisser.

But Elliot wouldn't stop. Pretty soon, he was trying to get Magnus to the sex step again, and while he told Magnus he loved him and wanted him to be comfortable, Magnus couldn't help but not believe him. Alec would never push him into doing something he wasn't ready for. He told Elliot this.

"Fine," he said angrily. "Why don't you go back to Alexander again, if he treats you so well. Maybe he'll give you more of those scars."

With that, he stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

Magnus felt relief, hoping Elliot wouldn't come back.

Of course he came back, hours later, with an apology on his lips.

"I'm sorry," he said. "But this is getting hard, Mags. I've never been with someone so long without being intimate. I do care about you, but I don't know how much more of this I can take."

Magnus looked down, not knowing how to respond.

"If it's time you need," Elliot continued, "I'll wait for you. But I can't keep being rejected. And honestly, Magnus, I know you still feel something for your ex. Maybe it's time you two talked, properly. If things really don't work out, and you need someone, I'll be here."

Magnus nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Elliot sighed and left the loft once more.

Magnus missed everyone, not just Alec. Through him, he had net Isabelle, Clary, Simon, even Jace. He was tired of this being alone. He had Catarina, yes, but she could only help him so much.

He dialed Izzy's number and pressed the call button.

She picked up on the second ring.

"Magnus," she said in an excited whisper. "How are you? Are you okay? What do you need? I was just with Alec, should I tell him you called?"

"No, no, Isabelle. I'm calling for you, actually. I guess I just… need friend."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"If I'm not bothering you."

"Never. Be there soon." And she hung up the phone.

As promised, Isabelle was at his door within twenty minutes. She embraced him when he opened the door for her. And Clary, it looked like.

"I hope you don't mind," Isabelle said. "I brought Clary."

"Of course not. Hello, Biscuit." They hugged as well.

"Magnus, we haven't heard from you in months!" Clary exclaimed. "What have you been up to?"

"Not much. Haven't had many clients. I've just been… recovering. I was dating someone, too, but he left this morning."

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, Isabelle. He wasn't good for me."

They held off on more conversation until they were comfortably sitting on the couches. Magnus prepared them drinks.

He had to know. "How's Alexander?"

Isabelle and Clary looked at each other. Magnus noticed.

"He's great," Clary said. "He's actually-"

"Horrible," Izzy cut in. "He's been horrible without you, Magnus. He told me about when he ran into you a few months back. You were with that guy who punched him in the face - the guy, I'm guessing, who left you this morning. If you think he looked bad then, you should see him now. He's an empty shell. He doesn't eat or sleep or even fight anymore. It's not your fault, Magnus. It's nobody's fault, but no, he isn't 'great.'"

Magnus was speechless.

"He burned off his rune, too," Isabelle said. "His Parabatai rune. He took hot metal to it and burned it off. He wants nothing to do with Jace anymore. And that's killing Jace. What happened to you wan't Jace's fault. It wasn't Alec's. The only people to blame are the men who did that to you. To both of you. It was a bad situation, Magnus. There was no way to win. But you need to stop this and talk to him. Really talk to him. He needs you, and I know you need him, too."

Magnus downed his entire drink. "I think I'd like you to leave now. I have to think."

Isabelle smiled a small smile, as though she thought she had done some good. Which, Magnus thought, maybe she had.

When the two of them left with a promise from Magnus that he would call again soon, Magnus was alone again. He didn't want to be alone, but he did need to think.

He ended up falling asleep on the couch with Chairman Meow curled up next to him. He woke up to knocking at the door, and he knew who it would be. Catarina came over every other day to check up on him.

"Come in," he groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, successfully ruining his eyeliner.

"You don't look well," Catarina said. "What happened?"

"Elliot left. Isabelle and Clary came over. I've been thinking."

"Is that a good thing?"

"I'm not sure."

"What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking of Alexander."

Catarina sat next to him with a look of fondness on her face. "You love him."

Magnus let out a frustrated sound and leaned his head on Catarina's shoulder. "I don't know. What am I supposed to do?"

"It's okay if you love him, Magnus. I think you've always loved him, but with what happened, you wouldn't let yourself forgive him. You know it wasn't his fault. It wasn't Jace's either. Elliot left you because he can see right through you, like I can. It's not hard to see."

"I have to go talk to him, don't I?"

Catarina smiled and nodded.

"Thanks, Catarina."

"Anytime."

* * *

Magnus returned to the Institute and was welcomed with open arms. Most people there were glad to see him, but he could only think of Alec.

"Want to tell me where your dear brother is, Isabelle?"

He noticed the panicked look on her face the moment he asked. "I don't know," she said. "I was just looking for him myself. He must have left the Institute."

Magnus understood why this bothered her, and it bothered him too. Alec was weak, and in no shape to be skipping around the city tempting monsters to attack him.

"We'll find him, Isabelle. Do you have something of his I can track him-"

"Oh my god, Alec!" Isabelle shouted, looking behind Magnus with wide eyes. Magnus turned to look.

Alec was between both Jace and Clary, being held up by the pair of them (well, mostly Jace). His shirt was in shreds, sticking to his bloody chest. He had clearly lost a lot of blood and his head lolled to the side, hinting that he was unconscious.

"Get him to the infirmary!" Isabelle called. Magnus followed them down the winding hallways to their destination. He knew he would be needed.

Everyone got Alec to the nearest bed, removing the remains of his shirt. The gashes on his chest were deep, and Alec would be in a lot of pain when he woke up if Magnus didn't get to healing him soon.

"Where did you find him?" Izzy asked Jace.

"Not far from here. He was an easy target, and every demon knew it."

Magnus looked at Alec. Isabelle was right, he did look worse from when he had last seen him. He was even skinnier, hair longer and a beard growing on his face. He needed to help him.

"Get out," he said.

Everyone involved looked at him before leaving the room. All except Izzy, Jace, and Clary.

"I need everyone to leave. You cannot distract me if I am to help him."

Jace was about to fight, but Isabelle stopped him. "Let's go," she said. "He's in good hands."

With that, the room was empty and quiet. Good. He wanted them to be alone.

Magnus's magic glowed around his fingers, wrapping around Alec's torso, stitching his wounds together at a snail's pace, but it was progress. Magnus saw where Alec had burned off his rune and decided to heal that, too. If he knew Alec, he must have felt he couldn't heal it himself because he thought he deserved the pain.

When all there was left to do was wait for Alec to wake up, Magnus pulled up a chair to the side of his bed, grabbed ahold of Alec's right hand in both of his and looked at him, wondering what it would be like, wondered what would be said, when he opened his eyes.


End file.
